Question of the Day


John Gray

Dear John,

My marriage has gone to hell. "Harry" and I have been married for almost three years. In the past, we had fun together, and he had a good relationship with my daughter who is twelve. Last April, Harry came home mad, and he has been that way ever since. April is the month of his mother's birth. She has been deceased for 32 years. Harry told me he was depressed about her, and just came home every day sulking. He gets mad about everything: the way I turn the light off, if there is something out of place on the kitchen counter, if he can't find something, it is always my fault, and he blows up about it. I say Harry has deep-seated issues about his mother and her untimely passing. It has gotten to the point where we don't even speak. He doesn't talk to my daughter either, because I stopped him from fussing at her one night about having the closet light on.

My philosophy is, don't sweat the small stuff, sooner or later there's going to be something big to sweat. On the other hand, Harry sweats everything. Is this type of person just no good in a marriage? Or, is there hope? I am in the process of looking for a place for my daughter and me to live. What are your thoughts?

~ Going, Going, Gone, in Sacramento, CA


Dear Going,

You're right. Harry has anger about some issue, which may or may not concern the death of his mother. Instead of confronting it, all this time he has been taking out his anger on you. If you haven't done so already, wait until Harry is receptive to what you have to say, and then suggest that he seek counseling. Let him know that, should he want, you are open to doing so as well. If he passes on this recommendation and continues to take out his anger on you, then I suggest that you consider your choices: to put up with his anger and resent it, or separate from him until he can sort out his issues.

Raising your child in an angry household is not a good idea, so please consider what will be best for her, and what will be the right choice for you as well.

John Gray

1-888-MARS-VENUS - Relationship Advice