Question of the Day


John Gray

Dear John,

My husband and I have been happily married for nearly two years. Nearly everything is wonderful. I found out recently that my husband isn't all that turned on by kissing. This isn't about bad breath either, because we've discussed that. He says he never has been with anyone. I felt his kisses were a bit reserved while we were dating, but I thought over time they would become more passionate as we got closer and closer in our relationship. When that didn't happen I started telling him what I wanted and asking him why he wouldn't kiss me passionately. I get little pecks from him, but nothing passionate.

As a result, we don't ever just make out like a couple of teens, something that I really miss from past relationships. I have even tried to gently suggest ways we could improve our kissing. He tries for a little while, but then he goes back to his old ways of short little pecks that leave me, well, rather uninspired. Lately I've been fantasizing about kissing other men because I miss it so much. I don't fantasize about people I know, but celebrities instead or I make up a phantom guy in my mind because it's something safe. But now I'm getting worried that I might act on my fantasies. I love my husband. I'm not sure how to deal with this anymore. And I don't want to do something stupid that will jeopardize our marriage. How do I talk to my husband about this when he seems such an unwilling partner? And if everything else in our relationship is really good, am I making too much of this one thing that's missing?

~ Starving for his Lips, in Colorado


Dear Starving,

As long as you don't act on your fantasies, you won't jeopardize your marriage. Consider this: Many men emulate their role models. It is possible that in the home your husband was raised, his parents were not demonstrative in their affections for each other or their children. From what you described, I'd say you're on the right track. To show him that your passion play can be innovative, fun, and exciting for him, play a "mirror game" in which he mirrors what you do to him. Try to engage all of his senses: touch, taste, smell, hearing, and seeing. Be playful with your tongue, and respond when he is playful with his own. By introducing him to new ways of kissing, you'll see that it's never too late to teach an old dog a few new tricks.

John Gray

1-888-MARS-VENUS - Relationship Advice