Question of the Day

John Gray

Dear John,

After 18 years of marriage, my husband and I separated three months ago. I just read your book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus and he is reading it now as well. He told me he feels like his "rubber band" was stretched so far that it broke and he doesn't know how to fix it or how to return. Can this be so?

~ Rethinking the future, in Jacksonville, FL

Dear Rethinking,

It's certainly a good sign that he is reading up on ways in which the two of you can work things out. I'd also suggest that he go to a licensed marriage counselor, so that finds the support he needs in sorting out his feelings. From what you say, at this time, he may possibly be asking for both time and space in order to think things through. Let him know that he has this. Be it three or six months, a separation will allow him to remember why he was in love with you in the first place.

At the same time, you will be regaining the sense of independence that you once had. He needs to know that you are capable of having a happy life without him. Don't be needy and don't make him feel that your happiness depends upon his return. As he sees that you are capable of making yourself happy, his attraction to you will grow stronger. Then, like the rubber band, he may indeed snap back, and the choice to welcome him back or go your own way will be easier for you to make.

John Gray

1-888-MARS-VENUS - Relationship Advice