Marital Problems: Is your partner having an affair?

What are the signs you should look for …

Something feels different at home lately, although you aren’t able to quite pinpoint what’s up. You and your partner are suddenly like two ships passing in the night. There is a certain uncomfortable distance between the two of you and you don’t know how to bridge the gap. When you suggest a romantic dinner at home and a quiet evening to reconnect, your other half makes an excuse about this, that or the other thing-a-ma-jig that takes precedence over your togetherness. Is it possible there is something rotten going on in paradise? Are you really having marital problems? Could your beloved really be having an affair?

It certainly is possible that something is amiss. It is also possible that stress is creating a wedge between the two of you. However, if your radar is careening off the walls, and you’re sure that this is more then just work-a-holism and hectic schedules, read on. According to many of the men and women who call Mars Venus Coaches, ignoring the marital problems only makes the situation worse. Surprisingly enough, listening to their intuition was an important factor in discovering whether or not their partner was displaying one or more of the following signals that they may be having an affair:

• Withdrawal from friends and family
• New hip clothes, haircut, accessories (a fancy new cell phone, Palm Pilot, car, etc.)
• Shift in your sex life (more or less -- some kind of definite change)
• Weight loss, an additional exercise regime, and an intense new interest/obsession with their looks and appearance
• Going to work early and/or coming home late on a regular basis
• Not being available to communicate with you for extended periods of time that are out of the ordinary
• Increased criticism of you, your appearance, your home, and other areas where you two are intimately connected
• Increased secretive behavior -- i.e., showing anger or frustration if you use their computer, clean their laundry, drive their car, etc.
• Defensiveness when you ask about these things (A note of caution about defensiveness: a person's level of defensiveness is always a byproduct of how they are being communicated with. If you "accuse" someone of something, a defensive response is a normal reaction.)

Be careful as you consider each of these possible signs and how they may apply to your relationship. Individually, any one of these signs can simply be a normal part of everyday life. Your partner may simply be striving to improve his or her appearance, exploring new interests, or feeling anger or frustration with the relationship. It is the accumulation of these signals that may point to something more ominous happening in your world.

It’s also important to keep in mind that the stress of modern life can cause anyone to change daily patterns and withdraw from the people who care about them the most. Your partner may feel as though they are doing you a favor by keeping their feelings to themselves and finding healthy ways to blow off some steam alone until they feel better.

But, what if your partner is having an affair? How should you deal with it, and how will you really know? Should you stay or go? How in the heck do you communicate your sensitive feelings without coming off sounding like judge, jury, and executioner?

If you’re confused as to whether or not your suspicions are rooted in reality or just paranoid flights of fantasy, you might want to take a step back and consider your options. Start by determining what is truth and what is fiction because here are the real facts -- accusing your partner of something as ominous as being unfaithful will NOT earn you partner-of-the-year points. In fact, making unfounded accusations could be scarier then not knowing anything at all. As much as you are feeling hurt over the situation at hand, lashing out and saying hurtful things to your mate may actually turn a so-so situation into a god-awful one.

If you have questions or concerns about how to discuss your sensitive feelings with a partner, and want support on how to do this and ensure you achieve the best results, a Mars Venus Telephone Coach can help. If you think your partner may be having an affair, you do not have to suffer in silence. A coach can help you work on a game plan to deal with your feelings, and the other difficult choices that you face. The other very important thing a coach can help you with is how to talk to your partner about your fears and concerns without alienating them. Again, if you accuse someone of something like infidelity, it's likely you'll be met with anger. There are ways to create a conversation that keeps your partner's feelings in mind, and also allows you to bring up a painful topic. The point is that there are things you can do to help create a better situation than the one you are in now. You are not alone, even though you may feel that you are at the moment.

Infidelity is a painful and crushing experience, and statistics show that couples who do not get outside help do not recover. If you or your partner has been unfaithful, you should know that the only recovery method that has ever proven to work and bring couples back together is to uncover what caused you or your partner to be unfaithful in the first place. Every painful situation has a root cause. Our coaches can help you begin to peel back the layers and examine what happened in your relationship to cause this to occur. To learn more about our coaching program, and to speak with a professional coach about your marital problems, click here.