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All Message Boards _ Dating Ups and Downs _ Should I Tell Him How I Really Feel, Breaking Nc

Posted by: melshie1975 09/07/11 03:13 AM

I am a single parent who never really experienced true love. I loved my ex-husband, but not in-love with him. I have recently met someone with whom there is a genuine connection. We met online through a dating site and spoke on the phone for hours before we even met. Conversation came very easily and we share a lot of the same interests and values. I was very excited as I thought that I finally met "the one" (possibly). When we did meet, it was like I had known him forever. We were very comfortable together. I was thrilled! It was as if the universe has presented to me everything that I had wished for in a human being! I did not have to pursue him, he pursued me.

He has a very demanding job which takes him away from home on a regular basis, in his company there are only a few that do his role and someone has resigned, leaving the workload on to him and the others. For the next six months he is barely going to be at home and he may possibly have to move 8 hours away from me. He said that he doesn't want to keep me waiting around, that he doesn't want me to put my life on "hold" for him because I literally will probably never see him until March next year. He does the job he does so that he can provide for his children, so that they can have a good life. I would never ask him to stop doing that at all.

I was gutted when I heard this, so was he. Talk about bad timing! If only he was told of this before I met him! The universe, which seemed to provide for me had suddenly pulled the rug out from beneath me.

I genuinely do care for him and like him very much and would rather be his friend than nothing at all.

My question is do I tell him how I really feel, that I would wait forever for him, that I don't care so much that we can't see each other, that knowing that he is there is enough at the moment, that I will wait until we can be together. Do I tell him that I love him? Do I tell him that he is constantly on my mind, from the moment I wake up in the morning until I go to sleep at night? How can I tell him this? Do I write it in a letter? Do I risk telling him and risk our friendship?

Please, any advice would be very much appreciated.

He suggested that we stop all contact. It is killing me feeling this way, the very strong feelings I do have for him knowing that we can't physically be together.

Posted by: jerseygirl 09/07/11 06:35 AM

How long ago did you meet (in person)?

Posted by: jerseygirl 09/07/11 06:37 AM

Oh, and please don't say ANY of that!

Posted by: melshie1975 09/07/11 06:54 AM

It has been a short time, only 6 weeks! It's not that I love him so to speak because that is silly and I know it's way to soon to know that, but the feeling of connection is very strong... if circumstances were different I think it definitely could've been something very special... It's just that I have been waiting for some time for this person to come into my life and when he does, it has seemed to have been taken away from me. I don't believe in fate, I believe that things happen for a reason. I am not sure what the universe is trying to tell me here..

I don't know what to do with these feelings...

Posted by: Sophia 09/07/11 07:14 AM

QUOTE (melshie1975 @ 09/07/11 06:54 AM)
if circumstances were different I think it definitely could've been something very special

SAY NOTHING!!!You need to focus on what you wrote above and NOT on the potential. Your feeling about this M are mostly based on fantasy and longing. The reality is that you have become way too invested in a M you barely know.

He is obviously focused on the reality of the situation and realizes how little he has to give you and how unavailable he is for an actual relationship with you.

If you cling to him, he will think less of you. Don't demean yourself and be a V who puts her life on hold for a M she knows for only six weeks. If you keep this fantasy alive, it makes YOU unavailable for a real relationship with a M who CAN be with you.

Posted by: MBfromBoston 09/07/11 07:15 AM

QUOTE (melshie1975 @ 09/07/11 06:54 AM)
It has been a short time, only 6 weeks!

Then you don't know if you love him. You don't know if you are really compatible over the long term. You don't know if the two of you can have a life together. In fact, you really don't know this man at all.

It takes time and consistency to get to know someone. Certainly longer than 6 weeks. While you may have strong feelings for him, those feelings are not a reason to put your life on hold "waiting" for him.....particularly because he has made it clear he doesn't want to continue your r'ship.

QUOTE
I am not sure what the universe is trying to tell me here..

The universe is showing you that can and will find love again.

I had a similar thing happen to me a few years ago. And three months later I met my M! The first M was brought into my life to open my heart, which had been closed for many years. And I am grateful every day for that, otherwise I wouldn't have been "ready" what was to come.

Posted by: jerseygirl 09/07/11 07:18 AM

6 weeks is WAY to short a time to be telling someone you'll "wait a lifetime" for them. I know you believe you know this M inside out, and you don't yet. Are you quite sure his feelings equal yours? Has he been doing the pursuing and most of the contacting and initiating of dates? I'm curious why you say "risk your friendship", why are you calling it a friendship vs. a romantic R?

In any case, it doesn't really matter all that much, if he told you he wants to end things (even if he claimed it's for you, you really don't know and can only go by what he's saying which is he doesn't think you should be in contact any longer. You really can't be friends, and I'm sure you know that.

I too used to get mad at the Universe and think it was playing practical jokes on me. In hindsight it was looking out for me, there is a reason this M is being removed from your life. Have faith, get back on the horse and believe the right M for you will come along AND stay. If a man can walk away from you, he is not your "one", at least at this moment, which is all any of us have. ((((hugs))))

Posted by: melshie1975 09/07/11 07:43 AM

Thank you so much for your replies! You are saying what I really already knew in my heart... I will definitely not be putting my life on hold. I will definitely not be contacting him. He knows where I am.

The universe does work in mysterious ways and it is just getting me ready for the right man. It's just that I am not the most patient of people and it's been a loong five years lol and I am an Aries

I know what I do want in a person, and this man, had everything I asked for except his availability... I will not lower my standards for any man. I don't lower my standards in any other aspects of my life.

Hopefully soon this unknown male will reveal himself to me. Boy when he does he's gonna get it lol

Posted by: jerseygirl 09/07/11 09:08 AM

I'm an Aries too, so I understand. But just 2 nights ago, I said in my prayers "I know now you knew best" because 10 months ago I did meet an M who is everything I was asking for (most of the guys I cried over would never have been as good to me). Have faith!

Posted by: Meandering 09/07/11 11:49 AM

QUOTE
Hopefully soon this unknown male will reveal himself to me. Boy when he does he's gonna get it lol laugh.gif


LOL'ing right there with you

Keep the faith

Posted by: ~aphrodite~ 09/07/11 12:35 PM

Hi Melshie,

I'm an aries too and my impatience and impulsiveness has been my downfall far too many times.

I agree with what the others say, please just let him go, you will be fine.

Hugs
Aphro

Posted by: melshie1975 09/07/11 05:19 PM

You guys are fantastic! I am so glad I found this forum!

Posted by: sisieko 02/08/12 04:19 PM

QUOTE (jerseygirl @ 09/07/11 01:08 PM)
I'm an Aries too, so I understand. But just 2 nights ago, I said in my prayers "I know now you knew best" because 10 months ago I did meet an M who is everything I was asking for (most of the guys I cried over would never have been as good to me). Have faith!



Thank you so much !!!! You cannot guess how much i needed to read the above...been crying why i am not attracted to the guys who are attracted to me.....and the ones i am attracted to seem like villians.... You uped my hope a bit more. Was already thinking above marrying someone i love but not in love with...I feel so broody .....sigh

P.s I am aries too

Posted by: jerseygirl 02/08/12 08:18 PM

Don't do it! Keep believing there is someone on his way to you. Remember you may be ready for him, but he may still have work to do before he's sent into your life. Know the qualities you want in an M then have faith that he is out there looking for you. Instead of a list of what I wanted, I started pretending it had already happened in my prayers, ala Law of Attraction, and say "Thank you for sending me a man who....."

I too used to only want men I had to chase, and I think deep down it was because if someone really liked me, I thought he either didn't know me yet and would dump me once he did, or that something was wrong with him. Then I'd start to look for flaws as evidence of that, and get turned off of him. It always reminded me of the famous Groucho Marx quote, "I wouldn't join any club that would have me as a member"

The problem was I was meeting extremes, guys who liked me were clingy and seemed passive and almost submissive, and I need a take charge guy. The take charge guys were always the players I ended up chasing. Very frustrating!
The M I am with now is not perfect, and it was hard to get used to being cherished...BUT as sweet as he is, he took charge of dating completely, planned everything, paid, and very importantly at least for me, took the lead in the romantic department Plus, he is very tall and broad, which didn't hurt!

There are M's out there who not at either extreme. I think the key for me was, once I decided what I wanted, I no longer wasted time with the guys who showed early on they were not the kind of men who want to lead in dating or seemed lazy or didn't follow through. Just be true to yourself and stay on the path (the universe will send you tests!) and you will get everything you want.

Posted by: iamthesun 02/08/12 09:40 PM

Thanks JG for that. It helps,me as I nurse my broken heart

Posted by: jerseygirl 02/09/12 07:56 AM

(((((Iamthesun))))) Glad it helped.

Posted by: cg50005 02/23/12 04:53 PM

Wishing you a bright future with much love, iamthsun!

Posted by: acaitree 09/29/16 04:18 PM

QUOTE (melshie1975 @ 09/07/11 07:54 AM)
It has been a short time, only 6 weeks! It's not that I love him so to speak because that is silly and I know it's way to soon to know that, but the feeling of connection is very strong... if circumstances were different I think it definitely could've been something very special... It's just that I have been waiting for some time for this person to come into my life and when he does, it has seemed to have been taken away from me. I don't believe in fate, I believe that things happen for a reason. I am not sure what the universe is trying to tell me here..

I don't know what to do with these feelings...



I know how you feel, I have been in a similar situation. It's devastating. I'm sorryfor you. I took the decision to tell him how I felt. I could not continue living wih those feelings unexpressed. I wrote a letter. I didn't go into detail, I didn't say thethings that you suggested saying. I kept it factual, stating the feelings and my willingness to be there, to wait. It is your decision whether you are prepared to wait, and perhaps he should have asked you. It does seem harsh to end it. If you really feel that way, write him a letter. Even if he doesn 't respond you will feel better having told him. Kepping this bottled up is bad. Let it out in a sensible way in a communication to him. Then he knows he can keep you if he wants, he knows you are prepared to wait, and you will feel released from these emotions.
I canot advise anymore than that, because I'm still working on it myself!

Posted by: VenusStar 10/07/16 01:03 PM

Please consider avoiding telling someone you will wait if he has suggested no contact. It's not what he wants and reflects low self-respect. The right M for you is the one who wants to be with you. <3