A recent Mars-Venus survey on "How to Lose a Guy/Gal in 10 Days" revealed readers' top ten ways to turn off your partner or potential partner. In the first installment, we examined the top three things to avoid - dishonesty, possessiveness and disrespect. Read on the next chapter of things to avoid in your relationship:
4. Never Hear what they say, Faye
It's not surprising that communication problems are near the top of the list. Not talking enough - or talking too much and not listening were cited by 1/3 of respondents as being a turn-off. One survey respondent comments, "first, and foremost is NOT being in communication! I can't deal with someone who says "call me at this number and let me know about..." and then they don't answer their phone and don't return your messages. How rude!"
The problem may not always be a lack of communication, but in learning to communicate in a way that your partner understands. Venusians tend to talk about their feelings in order to understand them while Martians instead approach communication in a more goal-oriented way. Understanding the different communication styles of Martians and Venusians can go a long way toward bridging this gap. For more insight into communicating more effectively with your partner, check out the article in our membership section, "Do men and women speak different languages?" or click here to join.
5. Treat 'em with Neglect, Bette
It might come as a surprise that lack of attention came in at number five, while TOO much attention ranked second, but fewer than 30% of respondents felt this was a turn-off. Still, it ranks up there, so beware. "It only takes a phone call to let her know she's important to you, that you care. Forgetfulness is not an excuse, but neglect will make her think twice," advises one reader.
Again, this comes back to the basic needs of Martians and Venusians. Venusians need devotion and reassurance and one of the most important ways to provide this is by making your relationship with her a priority. That once-a-week boy's night out will not be an issue as long as you schedule a special date night as a counterbalance. Martians require appreciation and approval, so when he makes an effort to please you, don't take it for granted. Let him know that you appreciate him and what he has done. You'll make him feel like a million dollars.
6. Just be a Flirt, Bert
With examples that ranged from unfaithfulness to flirting or a roving eye, non-exclusivity comes in at number six of relationship turn-offs. To quote one respondent, "It makes me wonder what the person is doing with me if they cannot appreciate how gorgeous I am and keeps looking for eye candy."
It has often been said that men are visual creatures and cannot help but do a double take when an attractive female crosses their field of vision. This may be true, but there is a distinct difference between noticing and drooling. There is also a difference between cordial conversation and flirting. Out of respect to a partner, it is important not to cross these lines. A Venusian needs to feel that her partner is devoted to her and a Martian needs to receive the admiration of his partner. Engaging in behavior that makes your partner feel they are not special is a sure-fire way to damage your relationship.
Communicating (talking and listening), giving your partner attention and being exclusive are three critical components of a healthy relationship. Our survey indicated that ignoring these could cause irreparable harm.
Next week we will explore the final four turn-offs. Stay tuned for: rudeness, arrogance, aggression and obsession!