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Trust Defined

Trust Defined

What is it? Where is it? How do you get it back?


Trust is a little word with a very big meaning. When we hear someone say, “I can no longer trust my partner,” thoughts of infidelity often come to mind. In actuality, trusting your partner encompasses much more than just your partner’s loyalty. If we’re not mindful, trust can so easily be threatened with a critical look or a harsh comment.

Trust, in its broadest sense, is about feeling safe and trusting that you won’t be hurt when you open up and allow yourself to be vulnerable. The concept of trust can also include your ability to trust yourself, other people, the universe, or even God. All of these aspects determine how open and trusting you can be in a relationship. Trust is that element in a relationship that gives birth to intimacy and intimacy is the fire that ignites and keeps the passion alive and crackling. Without trust, real intimacy cannot fully develop.

The Illusive Nature of Trust: Where Is It When You Need It?

“I have an issue with trust,” is such a common statement these days. “I have been burned so many times in the past. How can I possibly trust again?” is another frequently shared feeling. Both statements are heard by our coaches, we dare say, a lot. So you’ve buried your trust and have no idea where to find it. Is it even worth the search and rescue? The answer is an unequivocal “yes,” if you truly want a loving and lasting relationship.

You can use the four levels of chemistry (mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual) as a tool to evaluate how well you are able to trust.

  • Mental Trust Chemistry Level. Mental chemistry stimulates passion beyond the physical in a relationship. The question here is how well do you trust your mental chemistry connection with your partner? Do you trust that your thoughts will be respected when you share them? Do you trust that your mate really appreciates your character? Do you feel free to express your beliefs without fear of ridicule from your partner? If passion is waning, consider that there may be some trust issues in the mental chemistry department that require your attention.
  • Emotional Trust Chemistry Level. Do you trust that your partner likes or appreciates how you express yourself emotionally with other people? Are you a woman who is highly emotional and cries easily? Can you trust that your significant other understands and accepts your emotional make-up, whatever it is? Maybe you laugh loudly and are a social extrovert, do you tend to constrain yourself for fear of your partner’s scorn? For emotional chemistry to be bubbling away, you need to feel secure that you and your partner accept and in some way cherish each other’s emotional way of relating to the world. This includes your attitudes toward things you care about and people you care for.
  • Physical Trust Chemistry Level. For women, physical chemistry is laden with all kinds of fears: that their bodies won’t live up to their man’s expectations, that they’ll be used sexually, or even that they’ll become pregnant, just to name a few. In assessing your level of physical trust chemistry, ask yourself if you truly trust that your partner really loves your body: the way it looks, the way it feels, and the way it makes them feel. In other words, do you trust that you and your partner share a sizzling, authentic, honest, and sometimes inexplicable physical attraction for each other?
  • Spiritual Trust Chemistry Level. The all-inclusive spiritual chemistry doesn’t really come into play until the preceding chemistries are in full swing. At this point, you love each other all the way down to the seat of your souls where you can see and accept the essence of each other’s true being. When you tap this level of chemistry, you give birth to unconditional love. Do you trust that your partner loves you unconditionally?

Now, if you haven’t turned each of these chemistries around and asked yourself the degree to which you feel your partner trusts you, consider them in that respect as well. For example, in the mental category ask yourself if you think your partner feels safe sharing his or her thoughts with you. And what about how secure you think your partner feels when expressing deep emotions and feelings to you or in your presence? When you’ve finished probing your levels of trust and those of your partner, you’re ready for the next step.

Retrieving and Revitalizing Your Trust … and Forgiving

The excavation begins once you’ve discovered where your areas of trust and distrust lie. Lurking underneath that area of distrust is fear, along with the other emotions that need releasing. This is the perfect time to call an Ask Mars Venus coach, especially if you’re having difficulty pinpointing the emotions that are keeping you stuck in mistrust. A coach can lead you through a process that will help you discover where your trust is buried and help you bring it into the light and rid yourself of the negative thoughts and beliefs that may be impeding your ability to trust. This is how trust is renewed.

Forgiveness comes in here too. In fact, trust and forgiveness go hand in hand. The inability to forgive keeps you as a victim who holds negative and poisonous feelings within, making you unavailable to open completely to another … and trust. Again, a coach can help you determine where to find forgiveness. You may need to work on forgiving yourself before you’re ready to deal with the issue of trust. Or it may be more productive for you to work on trust in order to forgive. When you talk to a coach, your process will be personalized to your needs.

To read more about forgiveness, take a look at “The Path to Forgiveness: It’s not always easy but it can be done” and “Begging for Mercy: When you’re the one who needs to be forgiven.

Do you have questions about this article? Do you need help understanding how this information can change your life? Talk to one of our expertly trained telephone coaches today and get the answers you are looking for. You can call from the privacy of any phone, and our operators are available to assist you with processing your call.

Call 1-888-627-7836 for details and a personal message from Dr. John Gray.


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