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Marital and Premarital Coaching

Marital and Premarital Coaching

When to seek advice


Let’s begin with what may sound like an oxymoron: The very best time to seek marital or relationship advice is when you don’t need it. In other words, an ideal time to do relationship maintenance is when you don’t have a problem. Preventative medicine is one of the best courses to follow, but seldom do we apply that wisdom to our relationships. You’ve probably never thought, “It’s time for our marriage check-up,” or “We should go in for our annual marriage tune-up.” Many folks have a tendency to adhere to the old adage, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” But, when it comes to relationships, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”

Wait for Catastrophe and It May Be Too Late

We often seek advice as a valiant last effort to save a drowning relationship. Even if it’s not too late, the amount of time, energy, and expense you will expend on the rescue can be substantial. Marriage maintenance is much more economical than marriage repair or despair.

An oft-quoted figure is that 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. This means that one out of every two marriages ends in divorce. One out of every two! But it doesn’t have to be that way. When a marriage isn’t working, you can find a way to make it work by making it a habit to continually hone your relationship skills and seek out new tools.

Nurturing your marriage can be equated to growing a garden, which is especially rewarding when you finally see the fruits of all your TLC. With regular weeding, watering, and fertilizing of your marriage garden, you can create a growing, healthy relationship.

Pre-Maintenance for Pre-Marriage Ensures Healthy Growth

One way to work toward the growth of a strong and healthy marriage is by turning over the soil and seeing what’s underneath before you plant the seeds – meaning, take a good look at your relationship before you tie the knot. Clergy and religious institutions have been offering premarital guidance for quite some time; some even require it. Now the government is getting into the picture in an attempt to reduce divorce rates. States like Georgia, Florida, and Oklahoma have initiated incentives – such as reduced marriage license fees – for those couples who participate in some form of premarital education.

Marriage can be difficult. It’s not impossible, but there will be challenges to face. Best get all the tips and tools in your basket so you’re well prepared before you commit the seeds to the soil. Many of the skills taught in premarital counseling sessions mirror the basic principles of Mars Venus. When couples call an Ask Mars Venus coach they can learn how to:

  • Improve communication
  • Listen actively and validate
  • Better understand each other
  • Agree to disagree
  • Avoid criticism
  • Build intimacy and trust
  • Examine values and compatibility

Never a Wrong Time to Seek Marital Assistance

Whether you and your spouse participated in premarital counseling sessions or not, it’s never too late to enhance and strengthen your marriage. Take a look at your relationship. Have you been saying, “I just don’t understand what my husband/wife wants?” Maybe nothing is wrong, but there’s something that doesn’t feel quite right either. Reaching out for help doesn’t have to mean your relationship has hit bottom, and it doesn’t have to mean your couple status is in trouble. When you and your partner look for assistance together, it’s a good sign that you, as a couple, are serious about staying together for the long haul. You’re willing to stretch and flex those relationship muscles – flexible bodies, like flexible minds, create flexible marriages. It’s invaluable for both halves of a couple to know how to bend and sway so they don’t snap in a storm.

Junctures like becoming parents, retirement, adjusting to an empty nest, and finding yourself sandwiched between parents and kids are just some of the life changes that can challenge your marriage. These are especially good times to seek coaching assistance so that you can anticipate and prevent real problems from developing. Pull the weed before it starts to take over the garden.

If Your Marriage IS in Trouble

Sometimes what seems like a major marriage breaker is really a normal ebb and flow in the relationship waters. Did you know there are four seasons of a relationship, just like the four seasons of a year? Guess which is the hardest season in a marriage? Not surprisingly, it’s winter. In winter, it can feel like all the passion and love is gone. Everything is drying up and blowing away. This is the time when many relationships come to an end. Ask Mars Venus coaches can help you understand what season your partnership is in and how best to weather the seasonal forces. Remember, spring follows winter, and spring is a time of joyous rebirth.

Banish the Shame

Not long ago, when folks sought help with their relationship, the focus seemed to be on the individual rather than the union of two people and many marriages went under. Consulting someone for marital advice was seen as a harbinger of marriage death. It was also thought to be a sign of weakness or personal failure.

Today, intellectually, we know that there is nothing to be ashamed of or to fear. And yet sometimes that lingering feeling of embarrassment can make it hard to admit you need help. When this happens, remind yourself that it’s OK to seek help or advice from an impartial third party. In fact, it can be extremely beneficial.

Reaching out to an Ask Mars Venus coach can help you put things into perspective and bring clarity to your situation. The purpose of coaching is to provide you with the tools that can help you strengthen or rebuild the relationship when possible and, if not, to help you understand and make well thought-out decisions. And if your relationship has run its course, coaching can help you learn how to say goodbye with love. Our goal, at Mars Venus, is to help you find and keep the person that is perfect for you.

Banish the shame, seek support, grow your marriage garden strong, and thereby, live a vibrant, healthy life with your partner. Happy gardening!

Do you have questions about this article? Do you need help understanding how this information can change your life? Talk to one of our expertly trained telephone coaches today and get the answers you are looking for. You can call from the privacy of any phone, and our operators are available to assist you with processing your call.

Call 1-888-627-7836 for details and a personal message from Dr. John Gray.


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